- healers who care
- an amazing date with Steph
- yummy sushi
Friday, December 28, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
- had opportunity to volunteer but briefly and I was good about boundaries
- amazing film festival surrounded by friends - its so fun to not even have to plan who i'll hang out with, there's just ton of people
- good food, even though i can't stop eating, it all tastes so good
- cab franc wine last night with chocolate walnut cookies...yummy!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
- phone call from cousin catching me up on Mom
- Mom's out of the hospital
- there are a lot of people clearly concerned about her, and at least I'm not the only one who doesn't know exactly what to do
- I have the possibility for plans tonight, but no pressure to actually make them - so I can stay at home and work but not feel too dorky
- a peer met me for lunch to give me lots of advice about being on the job market next year
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Saturday, October 6, 2007
- being in my own home in my own bed
- this woman who used to help me out with stuff here has time to do some more work for me
- going to get paid for my work by my research team
- support from a faculty member here
- seeing Jerry makes me grateful that I was strong enough to leave him
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Monday, October 1, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
- one date read my most recent article
- pool party at the home of friends - so great to feel a part of a community, to feel welcome, and be able to cool off from all this heat
- my advisor's so fab- even though I showed up for a meeting on the wrong day, she was cool about it
- found a sex buddy and oh yeah it feels good to be able to have my sexual needs met
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
- card from Sanchi
- email from first date guy
- book club and party tomorrow
- neighbors back in town
- my work/research
- my dad, sister, niece, nephew, and Mom's cousin = my last bit of family (other than Mom)
- meditation timer clock
- found meditation group at school and they are non-religious/dogmatic
Friday, August 24, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
- Friends who have shown me a lot of support, even just calling or meeting me for a meal - it makes a big difference
- That Jerry and I got to have our relationship autopsy
- That I managed to get SOME work done today
- That I'll have lots of people to connect with when I go to Kansas City, and when I return there will likely be lots of stuff going on here
- My advisor believes in my work and in the future of my career
Monday, August 13, 2007
Okay, I certainly got off track with this. But, I'm going to make an effort to start up again.
- Met with my therapist and gave space to working through the breakup trauma.
- Neighbor reached out to me and is a great source of support.
- Took a bike ride to a coffee shop and ran into a friend. It made me feel not so alone - like people are out there if I just go. And it felt good to get a little exercise.
- I'm proud of myself for having not contacted Jerry and for having not let myself be treated badly anymore!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
- Jerry is making a lot of effort to treat me better, and it really shows. He spoke with his mother yesterday about issues she's having with Jerry's dad, and Jerry sort of spoke about me as a role model in these regards.
- Jerry took me out for sushi yesterday; ah filled a big craving!
- Spent Friday at this incredible spa for Jerry's birthday - got a couple's massage, hung out in a eucaplytus steam room, hot tub, incedible dinner, ah it was great!
- I'm typing on my new computer! The screen is super big.
- I'm almost done with my paper that's due tomorrow.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
- Went for a gorgeous hike yesterday; its feels good to get exercise and be outside.
- One of my team members said something really nice to me - John said: You've been on this project for 2 years now; of course your name should be on the publications.
- My garden has grown to look incredible - lots of fresh herbs.
- Jerry and I had the most amazing time in bed last night - things are improving!!!! He held me really tight at a couple of points, and it just made me really feel loved.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
- New blinds - and they're electric. So cool! I just press a button and these unreachable blinds open and close. I haven't made use of those windows the whole time I've been here. And now I sleep better because its darker in my bedroom.
- Taking time off to take care of myself - necessary because I've been sick, but its felt good to just lie around for a few days snuggling with my dog.
- Jerry's been taking care of me. It feels good.
- My sister called me to offer to share some of what my dad is giving her. She never shares; this was very oddly unselfish of her.
- Couldn't get out to get food? Well, Thai food delivered! Ah, it was expensive, but it'll feed me for days until I'm up to going to the grocery store again.
- Finally found some decent kosher pickles last week at Smart and Final. Ah good Jewish pickles, how I've missed you.
- I'm starting to feel better. What a relief! You never know how long you'll be sick when you get sick, and I'm glad that I'm finally starting to feel better. I actually think that the cold meds that Jerry brought me helped - even though my father would seriously not approve.
- I haven't spoken to my father much this week - and it feels good to have the space from him. I think I need this.
- My dog was SO sweet about me being sick - she would just deal with not having her normal walks and snuggled up to me constantly.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
- Jerry made me dinner last night. He had that look of affection in his eyes again when he looked at me.
- My friends met for writing group last night afterwards, which helped me prepare for upcoming conference.
- A friend offered for me to share her room with her at the conference.
- I'm enjoying not having a schedule right now - just doing things as I please and being kinda hidden away at my home.
- Jerry invited me to his meet his family.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
- home is clean!
- PP is coming to visit!
- Jerry gave me his tv, so I gave mine to a classmate, so she gave me a gift certificate for a manicure.
- great time with friends yesterday - and I'm starting to feel accepted with them
- enormous flexibility in my schedule right now
- we're looking at scheduling a defense for my master's thesis = me getting the degree finally
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
- Jerry made me filet mignon for dinner last night
- Friend came over to watch Gilmore Girls and we just chilled
- I'm finally getting a hair cut today
- I ordered something from a catalog and they sent the wrong color, so now I get the wrong color ones for free and the color that I did order also - which arrived yesterday
- I found this great little Budda statue at an antique store which looks amazing in my garden
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
- Alzheimer's Association support group - there's one woman who shows up who is much older but has a similar situation to mine; however we've all noted that I've got a much better handle on the situation - it was nice to have that perspective.
- Had nice sushi dinner with Jerry last night
- Beautiful weather
- Had acupunture yesterday which really helped with my digestive track
Saturday, March 3, 2007
- *A* and Jerry finally met, and it went well.
- Had a blast with *A* at this big art show.
- Jerry went with me to the Vagina Monologues, saving me when no one else would go, and he seemed to actually enjoy it too :)
- Fixed up my back porch, which was relaxing and looks great.
- Lots of activities this weekend and work to do, but in a nice balance.
- Its Purim tonight! And, I have a friend to go to services with - Jerry even seemed somewhat interested in going, which wierds me out, but is nice.
- I ordered a book on traveling around Berkeley and Oakland, and I'll put off worrying about the trip until then - thanks for the advice of breaking it down into steps Gail.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
- Being able to drink a beer without getting a migraine
- Sunday night study group and L-word
- Jerry makes pretty decent beer
- Getting over PTSD symptoms
- Meditation - even though I was late for the group, still feels good to just sit and meditate
- Beautiful hike today with Jerry and the dog
- Wonderful neighbors, had me over last night for wine and movie
Monday, February 19, 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
- The train - even though it took FOREVER, it was still very relaxing, especially at the beginning, with great views
- The weather has been FABULOUS and its snowing in KC :P
- The best lunch at D.Z. Atkins - - matzo ball soup and a brisket sandwich on pumpernickle
- Went to Bourbon Street club last night, and it was lesbian night - great atmosphere. I had a really good time there.
- I'm meeting a friend for brunch tomorrow, who I was worried I wouldn't get to see. She's really fabulous, and it'll be great to see her.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
I normally hate Valentine's Day, but last night was really nice, and I proved to myself that I can still cook. I cleared off my dining room table which was previously completely covered in books and research materials. I also had my decks refinished, and they look amazing.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Saturday, February 10, 2007
- Gail has been posting comments all over my blog, making me go back and look at what I posted and what process I've been taking in the last couple of months. This was an important reminder for me; thanks Gail.
- My sister and I spoke about Mom's situation and it was good to get some perspective with her and to know that I'm not the only one thinking about it.
- My home really is this very comfortable place for me, and this stuff I've been doing with my gardens makes all the difference!
- I may have woken up without another person in my bed, but I woke up refreshed and having had a good nights sleep!
Friday, February 9, 2007
- I can always count on there being services on Friday night, and I appreciate that I have friends to go with.
- Despite calls for rain, the weather's been gorgeous.
- Many opporutnities for the future, but not too many commitments - the world is at my finger tips.
- I slept last night with a lower dose of the sleep medication - so I'm on track to go off of it altogether by next month!
- Pedicures today with my friend, Jennifer.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
- Invite from friend to go to talk. Then, I got in when half the people behind me didn't.
- Companionship from Jerry. There's something great about waking up to someone next to you.
- Getting even farther on my thesis.
- My dog - so sweet and snuggly.
- No migraine in a month!
- The support group for adult children whose parents have Alzheimer's.
- Got a card from Mom today that her cousin helped her send. It was very sweet.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Saturday, February 3, 2007
- Sushi from this amazing sushi place with really fresh fish and interesting rolls.
- I finally got my whole "story" off my chest to Jerry. I don't know if he responded exactly as I would have liked, but I'm glad that its out there and not something secret I have to deal with.
- I fell asleep next to him and actually slept with no ptsd response.
- Stressless day to work on my thesis, which is coming along nicely.
- Having my own space with no roommates, except for my very obnoxious dog.
- Another massage and art therapy from that therapist/friend, who is just amazing. I really feel my body healing as things heal inside.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
- Jerry made me dinner last night - salmon, potatoes, squash. Its the first time in a long time that a date has cooked for me.
- My research team had to meet yesterday to fix a mistake that I made, but no one even pointed out that it was my mistake. My advisor even told me afterwards that I'm doing a good job.
- I got new patio furniture, and it looks beautiful.
- I got lattice put up on by back porch, which makes me more protected and looks great.
- My thesis is coming along. I'm on page 70! Another week or two and I'll have a complete draft.
- A friend who met with my mom regarding Grandma's estate sent me this in an email: "She was carrying your postcard in her pocket and was showing it off. I think it meant a lot to her. Just wanted to let you know!"
Monday, January 29, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
- My neighbors called and invited me over to their place for dinner. Its nice to have this fall back option, and they're great people who I really enjoy spending time with.
- I had the most amazing date last night.
- Today there's another study group which will likely really help me focus to get some work done on my thesis.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
- Multiple options for what to do last night.
- I can drink white wine now without getting a migraine.
- I haven't had a migraine in three weeks, which means that I've broken their pattern.
- I met with my gyn yesterday, who noted that these test results about my non-existent level of estrogen in my blood are actually okay, and that there's probably nothing to worry about.
- I got all of these comments about the whole Z thing which helped me gain perspective about it.
- Got massage yesterday where we did some art therapy and visualization. It seems like my back is starting to heal as my heart becomes more light and open.
Friday, January 26, 2007
- Today, I'll meet with the doctor finally and get an explanation about blood work results.
- My therapist was really helpful in guiding me back to my path last night.
- I managed to get through the night leaning into what I was feeling instead of trying to cover it up with food or alcohol.
- I had a Dali Lami DVD on hand from netflix...even though I couldn't understand him and finally figured if I was going to read, I might as well do it from a book, but his voice is very soothing.
- A couple more pages done on my thesis.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
- "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron
- Lunch with *A*
- Actually getting some work done
- The energy of the local coffee shop and that my friends met me there to study with me
- Help from Romi
- Waking up today just feeling a little better
- Walks on the beach at sunset
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
- I had a great date last night, even though he's politically a little far to the right for me. But, he made me laugh and feel comfortable and attractive and just a regular person for one night.
- We kissed under the stars. He's a good foot taller than I am, so I had to be on my tippy toes and bending his knees in order for it to work. Very humorous.
- Today, I have an acupunture appointment and we're going to work on my feelings re:my aunt.
Monday, January 22, 2007
- Queer marathon last night. I got a lot of studying done and even some direction from someone who has already written her thesis. I'm going to stop coding and start writing, which I hope gives me a big push.
- That when I called up friends who had invited me over to watch the "L Word" and told them that I was with this group of 6 people who wanted to come over also and watch, that they were open and seemed not to mind. (What an awkward situation to have to ask!) But it might turn into a weekly thing.
- That feeling of not being alone. A woman last night was going through a sudden breakup where her girlfriend wouldn't talk about anything, and it made me feel better knowing that I wasn't the only one dealing with people in this sort of situation.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
- Neighbors having me over for dinner.
- Animal control coming over so fast to check out the skunk smell IN my house and that they think that the skunk was just at the vent and not actually in the attic.
- Having healthy left overs around.
- Permission from my advisor to take it somewhat easy on myself re: work.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
- Kraft macaroni and cheese
- Time alone in my home
- Acupuncture and the talent of my acupunturist in figuring out not only how to get my chi flowing again, but how to stop it from shorting out in the future. Also, her openness in sharing her own story, which gave me hope and let me feel less alone.
- Having a date on Saturday night
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Sunday, January 14, 2007
- Friends invited me over to watch the "L Word", which gave me a safety net from having to drag *A* over to "The Notebook".
- Book club.
- How beautiful my garden is becoming.
- That I finally got my heater replaced last year.
- That I finally got 5 minutes of work done. Its a start!
Friday, January 12, 2007
- The massage that I just received from a graduate student in Pscyhology who focuses on trauma and helps me realize some of the mind-body connections
- Mom got a massage today too.
- The acupunture that I received this morning to help raise my theshold, get my digestion back in order, and mitigate the migraines
- My conversation with Mom. I'm so grateful that I was finally able to talk with her after 3 attempts.
- The couple that's meeting me tonight at shul, so I can go and say Kaddish for Grandma (today is shloshim), but don't have to be there alone.
- The services this woman is offering me helping me get organized and find people to do repairs on my place.
- The Alzheimer's Association is offering all of these support groups, which I haven't made it to yet, but I feel releaved just knowing that they're out there.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
- sunset walks on the beach
- phone call with PP, a reminder that I'm not alone
- lots of support groups out there if I need them
- "The Five Pennies" starring Danny Kaye
- how good it feels to just sit on the couch without any obligations or pressure
- my snuggly dog who licks away my tears
- *A* brought dinner over.
- Friends came over to watch Gilmore Girls, nice company.
- Connected with a few strangers, nice to have connections not so embedded. One tried to pick me up on the street and was very charming.
- Coming home.
- My dog - snuggles and kisses.
- My front patio now has lattice giving me a higher fence, more privacy, more beauty.