Gratitude

2009-01-17T20:23:00.000-08:00

Massages
Sushi
Boot camp on Saturday mornings

2008-08-18T21:42:00.001-07:00

coincidences
possibilities
flexibility -- its okay to try an old bad habit once in awhile, to feel the comfort of it, and remember why not to do it anymore
my kitchen will look fantastic when its done

2008-01-20T19:57:00.000-08:00

fabulous wedding on the beach
having friends there
the hope of maybe having a beautiful wedding like that one day, with lots of close friends and family, a gorgeous service, and an amazing location
fantastic neighbors who'll watch my dog happily even at the last minute

2008-01-14T22:21:00.001-08:00

participating in a supportive White anti-racist group, made up mostly of my friends
really deep comments by students - I think my class is going very well
great acupuncture treatment

2008-01-13T19:59:00.001-08:00

sushi
L-Word party
flying through work
fantastic neighbors
that I can afford new shoes, even though I can't bring myself to actually buys some

2008-01-11T22:18:00.001-08:00

my advisor's giving me first authorship on this paper we'll be presenting and them getting published
massage
good therapy session

2008-01-07T22:17:00.000-08:00

taught the first class and it was fun!
house cleaned
friend got the job she wanted
advice from a friend about what to do with dad and the inheritance

2008-01-06T22:31:00.000-08:00

last minute b-day party with friends
jennifer went to yoga with me
ordered this super cute new purse - http://www.seatbeltbags.com/Treecycle_Mini%20Messenger_P135C58.cfm - very expensive treat for myself but i feel good about buying a purse that's recycled instead of some name brand one at macy's

2007-12-28T20:03:00.000-08:00

healers who care
an amazing date with Steph
yummy sushi

2007-12-26T21:06:00.001-08:00

yoga
next year they've got a whole new and improved yoga schedule with lots more meditation, lots more classes
finally having time to prepare for my class

2007-12-25T19:29:00.000-08:00

holiday party at my neighbors - they're so nice and fantastic
finishing work projects
good weather

2007-12-24T21:36:00.000-08:00

sweet messages from Steph
healing from Jeni - and dinner too
finding a sweet puppy on the street and seeing my dog play with him all morning

2007-12-22T10:08:00.000-08:00

Skyping with Jane
that "Soul Food" second season was released onto DVD finally!
lemon verbena tea

2007-12-20T20:31:00.000-08:00

acupuncture
being healed by someone who really cares
refried beans
lunch with my advisor

2007-12-19T20:15:00.000-08:00

studying and dinner with Lena
snuggling with my dog
my sister actually needing me and not just the other way around
"V-Day"

2007-12-18T21:51:00.001-08:00

dinner at neighbor's
really sweet mentee
feeling good and grateful about not leaving town thursday

2007-12-17T12:23:00.001-08:00

ordering in sushi
really nice people at hospice
fun night out - woman dancing with me, drinking too much, and getting a text message from her this morning

2007-12-15T19:27:00.000-08:00

healing and relaxing massage
nourishing dinner with Jeni (the masseur)
having time just to watch a movie and chill
great haircut that included a scalp massage

2007-12-14T22:50:00.000-08:00

amazing sushi dinner with L
fab concert
changed my flight - more time to myself here

2007-12-12T20:08:00.001-08:00

sex so good it made my migraine go away
lunch with Tracy
call from neighbors

2007-12-10T14:40:00.000-08:00

chocolate
yoga
sweet doggie snuggles

2007-12-09T10:42:00.000-08:00

yummy chocolate cake and vegan egg nog at the party
invitation for latkes with neighbors
eye healing

2007-12-07T18:22:00.000-08:00

eye finally healing
found yummy chicken sausages without pork or nitrates at costco
Mom signed up with hospice, hopefully they can help her

2007-12-05T18:16:00.000-08:00

phone message from Alzheimer's Assoc.
Dad's friend's efforts to get him back on track
phone call with Neha

2007-12-04T21:55:00.000-08:00

fantastic sushi dinner
humorous team meeting
got colloidal silver to help with my eye infections

2007-12-02T22:47:00.001-08:00

amazing night with my advisor and classmate
David Broza is on PBS!
taking care of myself

2007-12-01T21:33:00.001-08:00

sweet conversation with Cory
invitation from friends to meet them out, which although i'm staying in to organize my new digs, i appreciated
amazing facial
new furniture which looks amazing

2007-11-29T13:55:00.001-08:00

got to catch up with the PP via Skype
laid back meeting with my advisor - and she's coming to this conference with me, which is fantastic
new furniture coming so I can get organized in my office area

2007-11-28T10:15:00.000-08:00

great sex
falling asleep in my bed with only my dog - getting what i need and not being pushed for something that I'm not ready for
getting a lot of work done

2007-11-26T21:45:00.000-08:00

finished holiday cards
found great film for my class
clean home

2007-11-25T21:27:00.000-08:00

fabulous trip to San Francisco
treated myself to some fantastic new stuff
almost no traffic

2007-11-21T19:30:00.001-08:00

great sex
that I organized people to go to this concert tonight and have something fun to do
having cooked really healthy food earlier in the week that I just had to heat up

2007-11-20T17:40:00.000-08:00

call from Cory
text from Dave
guy at AAA who was so excited about my road trip

2007-11-18T21:51:00.000-08:00

friendship with Penni
snuggly dog
nice home

2007-11-17T18:21:00.000-08:00

good communication with my family, even though dealing with a rough issue
my dog to keep me company when i'm sick
having book club book to keep my occupied without feeling too lonely and my class to look forward to

2007-11-14T09:49:00.001-08:00

opportunities for growth
fantastic neighbors
a big bowl of Pho

2007-11-12T22:27:00.000-08:00

being wanted, it makes me feel good and worthy and boosts the ego
filled schedule
another date tomorrow
loose schedule

2007-11-08T22:04:00.001-08:00

got good advice about the future
another bike ride today
the flexibility to be able to take a night off

2007-11-07T09:35:00.000-08:00

friend made me dinner last night
watching the l-word is always super fun - and this dvd jerry bought be actually works
making plans for thanksgiving in san francisco
very sweet, snuggling dog

2007-11-04T12:07:00.000-08:00

had opportunity to volunteer but briefly and I was good about boundaries
amazing film festival surrounded by friends - its so fun to not even have to plan who i'll hang out with, there's just ton of people
good food, even though i can't stop eating, it all tastes so good
cab franc wine last night with chocolate walnut cookies...yummy!

2007-11-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

neighbors had me over for dinner
finished 2 fellowship applications this week!
friend helping me out with finding sources for my article

2007-10-31T16:43:00.000-07:00

phone call from cousin catching me up on Mom
Mom's out of the hospital
there are a lot of people clearly concerned about her, and at least I'm not the only one who doesn't know exactly what to do
I have the possibility for plans tonight, but no pressure to actually make them - so I can stay at home and work but not feel too dorky
a peer met me for lunch to give me lots of advice about being on the job market next year

2007-10-30T18:40:00.000-07:00

support of my advisor
got letter of recommendation from another team member - might get financial support next year
riding my bike to and from school, feels good to get exercise
really amazing restorative meditation yoga class last night

2007-10-27T14:08:00.000-07:00

call from Penni to go get dinner
party afterwards in honor of a peer getting his ma; lots of friendly people
Penni might come over tonight
next weekend - already all planned out
in a week and a half, I'll advance to candidacy
my sis called me - we're actually becoming friends

2007-10-22T11:57:00.000-07:00

beautiful joshua trees
being with friends who actually encourage me taking care of myself and are supportive
that I got medication to take to help me sleep

2007-10-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

meditation workshop
text messages from friends encouraging me to go out
snuggles from my dog when I woke up too early from a nightmare

2007-10-13T16:00:00.001-07:00

my fantastic neighbors are home
having supportive peers
time alone at home with my dog

2007-10-11T13:08:00.001-07:00

perspective
a day off if even only because of a migraine
snuggling with my dog
stress eraser

2007-10-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

friends who take care of me
people who stayed around to help me clean up last night
how good it feels to be surrounded by friends

2007-10-07T17:52:00.000-07:00

dating options
Cory called
found great Imago course
completed draft of my comprehensive exam

2007-10-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

being in my own home in my own bed
this woman who used to help me out with stuff here has time to do some more work for me
going to get paid for my work by my research team
support from a faculty member here
seeing Jerry makes me grateful that I was strong enough to leave him

2007-10-03T15:21:00.000-07:00

being picked up from the airport, even when time keeps changing
connecting to strangers about shared experiences
seeing my dog again!
being able to open up and just cry if I need to and vent in therapy

2007-10-01T08:12:00.000-07:00

sex that's so good, I have trouble breathing
being treated right
this workout bike that has a virtual reality type screen that's very fun

2007-09-30T07:02:00.000-07:00

amazing sex last hours and hours
trying something new
knowing that i have my own home to go back to
guided imagry

2007-09-25T14:31:00.001-07:00

Dad's affection and gratitude
that he's cooking dinner
got free lunch from this blind date my sis set me up with

2007-09-15T23:07:00.000-07:00

great day wine tasting with friends
they sang me happy birthday
michael got us free tastings at my favorite place
christine offered for me to call while I'm away if I need to vent

2007-09-13T21:35:00.001-07:00

another great date
make that two
supportive advisors

2007-09-10T14:41:00.001-07:00

beach picnic with Karma with a great bottle of wine
soft kisses
men wanting to date me, and that I've got options
things good with my advisor

2007-09-08T20:38:00.001-07:00

wine tasting
really nice dinner
fabulous weather

2007-09-06T21:51:00.001-07:00

a lot of really great sushi
great sex
good kiss
a little perspective

2007-09-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

phone call from the purplep in Israel
food making my blood sugar go back to a normal level
snuggly dog

2007-09-04T10:58:00.000-07:00

one date read my most recent article
pool party at the home of friends - so great to feel a part of a community, to feel welcome, and be able to cool off from all this heat
my advisor's so fab- even though I showed up for a meeting on the wrong day, she was cool about it
found a sex buddy and oh yeah it feels good to be able to have my sexual needs met

2007-08-28T09:25:00.000-07:00

comments to my blog
my sister's trying to set me up, which is kinda sweet
conversation with my niece and nephew - i love them so much!

2007-08-27T13:08:00.001-07:00

pedicures
alternatives
how much better I feel after working out

2007-08-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

card from Sanchi
email from first date guy
book club and party tomorrow
neighbors back in town
faith
my work/research
my dad, sister, niece, nephew, and Mom's cousin = my last bit of family (other than Mom)
meditation timer clock
found meditation group at school and they are non-religious/dogmatic

2007-08-24T12:05:00.001-07:00

Fun first date
migraine medication
massage and dinner with masseur

2007-08-20T19:33:00.001-07:00

yoga classes that allow me to work with where I am with my shoulder troubles
really good sushi lunch that was pretty cheap
coming home to a happy doggie

2007-08-17T17:19:00.000-07:00

Friends who have shown me a lot of support, even just calling or meeting me for a meal - it makes a big difference
That Jerry and I got to have our relationship autopsy
That I managed to get SOME work done today
That I'll have lots of people to connect with when I go to Kansas City, and when I return there will likely be lots of stuff going on here
My advisor believes in my work and in the future of my career

2007-08-13T19:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, I certainly got off track with this. But, I'm going to make an effort to start up again.

Met with my therapist and gave space to working through the breakup trauma.
Neighbor reached out to me and is a great source of support.
Took a bike ride to a coffee shop and ran into a friend. It made me feel not so alone - like people are out there if I just go. And it felt good to get a little exercise.
I'm proud of myself for having not contacted Jerry and for having not let myself be treated badly anymore!

2007-06-29T13:34:00.001-07:00

Acupuncture
Massage
Facial
Friends

2007-06-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

Jerry is making a lot of effort to treat me better, and it really shows. He spoke with his mother yesterday about issues she's having with Jerry's dad, and Jerry sort of spoke about me as a role model in these regards.
Jerry took me out for sushi yesterday; ah filled a big craving!
Spent Friday at this incredible spa for Jerry's birthday - got a couple's massage, hung out in a eucaplytus steam room, hot tub, incedible dinner, ah it was great!
I'm typing on my new computer! The screen is super big.
I'm almost done with my paper that's due tomorrow.

2007-06-07T09:29:00.000-07:00

Went for a gorgeous hike yesterday; its feels good to get exercise and be outside.
One of my team members said something really nice to me - John said: You've been on this project for 2 years now; of course your name should be on the publications.
My garden has grown to look incredible - lots of fresh herbs.
Jerry and I had the most amazing time in bed last night - things are improving!!!! He held me really tight at a couple of points, and it just made me really feel loved.

2007-04-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

The power came back on
I have a lot of candles
That I have my dog to keep me company
That my committee is so positive about my work

2007-04-24T21:19:00.000-07:00

New blinds - and they're electric. So cool! I just press a button and these unreachable blinds open and close. I haven't made use of those windows the whole time I've been here. And now I sleep better because its darker in my bedroom.
Taking time off to take care of myself - necessary because I've been sick, but its felt good to just lie around for a few days snuggling with my dog.
Jerry's been taking care of me. It feels good.
My sister called me to offer to share some of what my dad is giving her. She never shares; this was very oddly unselfish of her.
Couldn't get out to get food? Well, Thai food delivered! Ah, it was expensive, but it'll feed me for days until I'm up to going to the grocery store again.
Finally found some decent kosher pickles last week at Smart and Final. Ah good Jewish pickles, how I've missed you.
I'm starting to feel better. What a relief! You never know how long you'll be sick when you get sick, and I'm glad that I'm finally starting to feel better. I actually think that the cold meds that Jerry brought me helped - even though my father would seriously not approve.
I haven't spoken to my father much this week - and it feels good to have the space from him. I think I need this.
My dog was SO sweet about me being sick - she would just deal with not having her normal walks and snuggled up to me constantly.

2007-04-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

Family gatherings
Passover - probably my favorite holiday
Affection from my neice and nephew
Opportunity to spend time with Mom
The authority that I have within my family now to be able to make things better when needed

2007-03-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

Jerry made me dinner last night. He had that look of affection in his eyes again when he looked at me.
My friends met for writing group last night afterwards, which helped me prepare for upcoming conference.
A friend offered for me to share her room with her at the conference.
I'm enjoying not having a schedule right now - just doing things as I please and being kinda hidden away at my home.
Jerry invited me to his meet his family.

Support and Snuggles

2007-03-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

Dinner tonight with my friends meeting Jerry
Supportive relaxing opportunities today to counter my bought with insomnia
Snuggling with Jerry AND my dog on the couch watching documentary about Petra. How I want to go to Petra

Clean House, Clean Schedule

2007-03-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

home is clean!
PP is coming to visit!
Jerry gave me his tv, so I gave mine to a classmate, so she gave me a gift certificate for a manicure.
great time with friends yesterday - and I'm starting to feel accepted with them
enormous flexibility in my schedule right now
we're looking at scheduling a defense for my master's thesis = me getting the degree finally

Little Budda

2007-03-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

Jerry made me filet mignon for dinner last night
Friend came over to watch Gilmore Girls and we just chilled
I'm finally getting a hair cut today
I ordered something from a catalog and they sent the wrong color, so now I get the wrong color ones for free and the color that I did order also - which arrived yesterday
I found this great little Budda statue at an antique store which looks amazing in my garden

Weekend Rest

2007-03-11T14:01:00.000-07:00

Yo Yo Ma concert - Silk Roads
Jerry finally spending the night after what feels like a month
PP is coming to visit soon!
big brunch out on Sunday
found a way to get my dog to stop barking while I'm having sex - - give her a rawhide treat

Support, Weather, and Sushi

2007-03-07T16:02:00.000-08:00

Alzheimer's Association support group - there's one woman who shows up who is much older but has a similar situation to mine; however we've all noted that I've got a much better handle on the situation - it was nice to have that perspective.
Had nice sushi dinner with Jerry last night
Beautiful weather
Had acupunture yesterday which really helped with my digestive track

Happy Purim!

2007-03-03T12:09:00.000-08:00

*A* and Jerry finally met, and it went well.
Had a blast with *A* at this big art show.
Jerry went with me to the Vagina Monologues, saving me when no one else would go, and he seemed to actually enjoy it too :)
Fixed up my back porch, which was relaxing and looks great.
Lots of activities this weekend and work to do, but in a nice balance.
Its Purim tonight! And, I have a friend to go to services with - Jerry even seemed somewhat interested in going, which wierds me out, but is nice.
I ordered a book on traveling around Berkeley and Oakland, and I'll put off worrying about the trip until then - thanks for the advice of breaking it down into steps Gail.

Steak Dinner

2007-02-28T17:49:00.000-08:00

Jerry's making me steak for dinner
Gilmore Girls with friends over at my place last night
My back porch is getting fixed up pretty nicely
Not too much pressure in this in between time; I'm appreciating it!

Good Week

2007-02-25T23:14:00.000-08:00

Being able to drink a beer without getting a migraine
Sunday night study group and L-word
Jerry makes pretty decent beer
Getting over PTSD symptoms
Meditation - even though I was late for the group, still feels good to just sit and meditate
Beautiful hike today with Jerry and the dog
Wonderful neighbors, had me over last night for wine and movie

Coming Home

2007-02-19T22:32:00.000-08:00

Coming home
Walk on cliffs overlooking ocean with Jerry
Got the place cleaned
Not too much stress

Weekend in San Diego

2007-02-17T16:09:00.000-08:00

The train - even though it took FOREVER, it was still very relaxing, especially at the beginning, with great views
The weather has been FABULOUS and its snowing in KC :P
The best lunch at D.Z. Atkins - - matzo ball soup and a brisket sandwich on pumpernickle
Went to Bourbon Street club last night, and it was lesbian night - great atmosphere. I had a really good time there.
I'm meeting a friend for brunch tomorrow, who I was worried I wouldn't get to see. She's really fabulous, and it'll be great to see her.

Finally: A Nice Valentine's Day

2007-02-15T10:49:00.000-08:00

I normally hate Valentine's Day, but last night was really nice, and I proved to myself that I can still cook. I cleared off my dining room table which was previously completely covered in books and research materials. I also had my decks refinished, and they look amazing.

Draft of Thesis Done!

2007-02-13T10:37:00.000-08:00

I turned in the completed draft of my thesis!!!!
I'm getting my deck cleaned up and restained, and its starting to look really nice.
I finally have time to do laundry.

Sunday Routines, More Nice Things

2007-02-11T21:15:00.000-08:00

Jerry's trying. At least he clearly heard me.
Study group with friends.
L-word at friends' place.
Got feedback on my thesis.

Back to the Path

2007-02-10T12:31:00.000-08:00

Gail has been posting comments all over my blog, making me go back and look at what I posted and what process I've been taking in the last couple of months. This was an important reminder for me; thanks Gail.
My sister and I spoke about Mom's situation and it was good to get some perspective with her and to know that I'm not the only one thinking about it.
My home really is this very comfortable place for me, and this stuff I've been doing with my gardens makes all the difference!
I may have woken up without another person in my bed, but I woke up refreshed and having had a good nights sleep!

Nice Things

2007-02-09T09:19:00.000-08:00

I can always count on there being services on Friday night, and I appreciate that I have friends to go with.
Despite calls for rain, the weather's been gorgeous.
Many opporutnities for the future, but not too many commitments - the world is at my finger tips.
I slept last night with a lower dose of the sleep medication - so I'm on track to go off of it altogether by next month!
Pedicures today with my friend, Jennifer.

Good Week

2007-02-08T17:39:00.000-08:00

Invite from friend to go to talk. Then, I got in when half the people behind me didn't.
Companionship from Jerry. There's something great about waking up to someone next to you.
Getting even farther on my thesis.
My dog - so sweet and snuggly.
No migraine in a month!
The support group for adult children whose parents have Alzheimer's.
Got a card from Mom today that her cousin helped her send. It was very sweet.

Keeping Me Going

2007-02-05T13:39:00.000-08:00

Progress on my thesis
Phone calls from old friends
Nice weather
Study group

Cravings Fulfilled

2007-02-03T10:45:00.000-08:00

Sushi from this amazing sushi place with really fresh fish and interesting rolls.
I finally got my whole "story" off my chest to Jerry. I don't know if he responded exactly as I would have liked, but I'm glad that its out there and not something secret I have to deal with.
I fell asleep next to him and actually slept with no ptsd response.
Stressless day to work on my thesis, which is coming along nicely.
Having my own space with no roommates, except for my very obnoxious dog.
Another massage and art therapy from that therapist/friend, who is just amazing. I really feel my body healing as things heal inside.

Schechianu

2007-02-01T10:33:00.000-08:00

Jerry made me dinner last night - salmon, potatoes, squash. Its the first time in a long time that a date has cooked for me.
My research team had to meet yesterday to fix a mistake that I made, but no one even pointed out that it was my mistake. My advisor even told me afterwards that I'm doing a good job.
I got new patio furniture, and it looks beautiful.
I got lattice put up on by back porch, which makes me more protected and looks great.
My thesis is coming along. I'm on page 70! Another week or two and I'll have a complete draft.
A friend who met with my mom regarding Grandma's estate sent me this in an email: "She was carrying your postcard in her pocket and was showing it off. I think it meant a lot to her. Just wanted to let you know!"

Sneaking Up on Me

2007-01-29T22:39:00.000-08:00

My neighbors invited me over to watch "Unfinished Life" or whatever its called - with Robert Redford after the press knocked on my door about the anniversary of the murders.
I got some good work done.
Beautiful sunset.

Social Support

2007-01-28T12:38:00.000-08:00

My neighbors called and invited me over to their place for dinner. Its nice to have this fall back option, and they're great people who I really enjoy spending time with.
I had the most amazing date last night.
Today there's another study group which will likely really help me focus to get some work done on my thesis.

Healing

2007-01-27T09:02:00.000-08:00

Multiple options for what to do last night.
I can drink white wine now without getting a migraine.
I haven't had a migraine in three weeks, which means that I've broken their pattern.
I met with my gyn yesterday, who noted that these test results about my non-existent level of estrogen in my blood are actually okay, and that there's probably nothing to worry about.
I got all of these comments about the whole Z thing which helped me gain perspective about it.
Got massage yesterday where we did some art therapy and visualization. It seems like my back is starting to heal as my heart becomes more light and open.

Another Baby Step

2007-01-26T09:56:00.000-08:00

Today, I'll meet with the doctor finally and get an explanation about blood work results.
My therapist was really helpful in guiding me back to my path last night.
I managed to get through the night leaning into what I was feeling instead of trying to cover it up with food or alcohol.
I had a Dali Lami DVD on hand from netflix...even though I couldn't understand him and finally figured if I was going to read, I might as well do it from a book, but his voice is very soothing.
A couple more pages done on my thesis.

A Little Relief

2007-01-24T22:29:00.000-08:00

"When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron
Lunch with *A*
Actually getting some work done
The energy of the local coffee shop and that my friends met me there to study with me
Help from Romi
Waking up today just feeling a little better
Walks on the beach at sunset